The summer heat is beginning to dwindle but the horror release schedule is turning up the temperature as we enter the pre-Halloween season. And sure, it’s more than a week into September and some movies have already come out (we heard something about some low-rent movie called “IT” or something), but there’s still no better way to get in the spirit of the season early than to ignore all your personal relationships and responsibilities in favor of a metric fuck ton of horror movies. Just don’t forget the beers… Check out our compilation of trailers for September’s horror releases and our reactions to each. As always, let us know which titles you’re into. Did we forget anything? Tell us about that, too.
09/01/2017 – NETFLIX
Gary, who has just married the woman of his dreams, discovers that her six-year-old son may be the Antichrist.
Jack: Is this a movie or a tv show? I think it’s a TV show, but honestly, that trailer provides none of that information. Netflix is really taking some risks, huh? Don’t get me wrong, I’m on board, and “top of the dick chain, brah” might be my new favorite expression, but damn.
Jake: This is a great add for Netflix. It’s timely, bingeable content that’s out well in advance of the second season of Stranger Things, so it won’t go overlooked. Just one thing, though… If they don’t use “Highway to Hell,” I will rage. Hard.
Mark: Between this and The Santa Clarita Diet Netflix seems like it’s starting to get the horror-comedy genre down pretty well. Let’s not all forget that they also have had Tucker and Dale vs. Evil available since basically forever too. I love Adam Scott and Donald Faison, and I can get behind basically anything that makes fun of The Omen. This one is shaping up to be one I’m excited for. I will definitely binge watch this while Netflix quietly loses all of its non-original content.
09/01/2017 – LIMITED THEATRICAL, VOD
Set in the 1980s, an estranged family hires a cult deprogrammer to take back their teenage son from a murderous cult, but find themselves under siege when the cultists surround their cabin, demanding the boy back.
Jack: September starting off strong. It’s been a long time since I was in any way excited for a home invasion movie, but this one looks great. As with all those movies, ultimately it’s going to come down to how well they can manage the resources of the invadees, and how stupid their decisions are. But finding that out is a journey that I’m certainly happy to go on.
Jake: Here’s what I gathered from this trailer: There is a home invasion cult that gathers babies so they can do cult things with them. Their name?
Mark: That was a great trailer until “we need all the babies we can get.” That was the best version of that line that they could come up with? That was you turning your show don’t tell sliders up to maximum? I’ll tell you what that is. That’s what happens when you’ve been working a script for too long and have a deadline to hit.
09/01/2017 – LIMITED THEATRICAL
Deep in the ice of the Antarctic, a team of geologists uncover an old Nazi laboratory still intact where dark experiments had occurred. In order to conquer the world, the Nazis created modified sharks who were able to fly and whose riders are genetically mutated, undead super-humans.
Jack: Look, I get it. Sharknado was fun. So was Snakes on a Plane. But, and we’ve said this before, Sharknado was a unique blend of absurdist humor and surprisingly good writing and direction. As for Snakes on a Plane, well . . . I was in high school and it had Sam Jackson. So there’s that. I very much doubt that this will be more fun than infuriating, but you never know…
Jake: Oh my god… That was one of the most stupidly befuddling things I have ever laid eyes on. And I laughed the whole way through. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not planning on watching this, but it’s undeniable at this point that there is an audience for anything with a shark in it and movie makers are responding with a game of one-upmanship in the bananas department. I’d like to know what theaters are supposedly screening this because I want to see what kind of folks buy that ticket. The people watching would be quality.
Mark: Is the name of this movie Sky Sharks or Zombies on Flying Sharks? What language is this in? Are we positive this wasn’t made by Uncork’d? I will not be watching this movie.
09/01/2017 – VOD
Two estranged sisters are forced to rob a bank in order to save their brother. But this is no ordinary bank.
Jack: Jesus. James Franco has just gone full creep, huh? This trailer does a decent job building intrigue for what’s going on in that vault without giving too much away, so I’m actually kind of excited for it. But then, I was kind of excited to figure out what was going in that hatch in Lost, and that turned out quite poorly, so I’ll probably be disappointed again.
Jake: Glad to see James Franco is still rocking the most porniest of ‘staches… Warms the soul. Also, there’s not a chance in hell anything in that basement is creepier than him.
Mark: So did James Franco just have a bonkers amount of time on his hands this year? I feel like we’ve seen him in at least 5 movies in the last 12 months. There is something bothersome with the trailer saying CRIME DOES NOT PAY instead of CRIME DOESN’T PAY, or even the more streetwise CRIME DON’T PAY, or even the more horror topically oriented CRIME DON’T PRAY.
AMERICAN HORROR STORY: CULT
09/05/2017 – TV – FX
American Horror Story: Cult is the seventh season of the FX horror anthology television series American Horror Story. Best we can tell, this is about Trump. Meaning there are clowns involved…
Jack: A couple of the AHS seasons have been downright great. Others . . . not so much. It’s interesting that they’re bringing back Twisty, because he was a legit terrifying part of the freakshow season. I’ve got a lot more to say about Twisty, but I’m worried about spoiling what was overall a season worth watching. I’ll leave this one at a nervous state of hopeful I guess?
Jake: I’ve never watched AHS. Not because I think the product is bad, but because I just don’t really like the ebbs & flows of tv shows. As always, this season’s idea seems to be on point and should be a good look into the flavor du jour of our societal fears. If nothing else, we know there’s at least one person who will be tweeting about this…
Mark: You know what? I really like that American Horror Story exists. They’re not always winners, but they are almost always interesting experiments in what a 10 hour horror movie looks like. Regardless of how this season winds up, and it looks like it will actually be pretty solid, I’m happy that a show like this exists on the airwaves.
09/01/2017 – VOD
Three American tourists follow a mysterious map deep into the jungles of Japan searching for an ancient temple. When spirits entrap them, their adventure quickly becomes a horrific nightmare.
Jack: Damn, we’re not even past Sept. 1 and there are already more awesome looking trailers than the entirety of most months can boast. This looks like it could redeem what’s happened to the americanized J-Horror subgenre since the original (well, original remakes) of the Ring and the Grudge came out. I don’t think this will have a ton of depth or anything, but it might be fun and scary.
Jake: I didn’t give a shit about this movie before watching the trailer but I’ve gotta say I was pleasantly surprised. At bare minimum, this will be a better example of a foreigner getting fucked with in the Japanese woods than The Forest, and with some of the other projects lauded in the trailer, there’s just enough here for me to want to take the leap.
Mark: “Wow, come look at this temple” said no one surviving a horror movie ever. That’s up there with “wow, come look at this music box” or “wow, let’s explore that boarded up mine.” “Gosh, those children singing in unison sure are innocent. Let’s not heed their warning.” Stupid premises generally spawn equally stupid movies, but that’s par for the course for the majority of horror releases. Unfortunately this one doesn’t seem like it will have much else to lift it above the masses.
09/05/2017 – VOD
A group of international students explores a basement that has been abandoned for years. But what starts off as an exploratory séance ends in bloody mayhem when a malicious entity is summoned.
Jack: Time right the fuck out. This actually looked halfway decent until that shaman woman said that “this symbol is the most powerful ingredient in black magic” which apparently proves that they’re dealing with supernatural powers. Exqueeze me? First off, if you’re legitimately aware of and believe in the existence of black magic, that would be my go to guess when weird inexplicable shit starts happening. No ingredients necessary. Second, now the only thing I can think of is that I desperately want to see a complete ranking of the power of black magic ingredients if it’s so fucking clear. I’ll expect that on my desk by morning.
Jake: I do not, in any way, expect this to be a good movie. But I loved the mask design in this extremely NSFW trailer. Bonus points go to the basement giving me serious flashbacks to one of my favorite horror moments in video game history.
Mark: This looks just good enough to be watchable, which is a problem because it’s still probably going to be fucking terrible and lazy. Hey, at least the effects look pretty good. Has Fergie approved the use of this tagline? I’m going to guess no. Lastly, I would just like to put this out there: A little party has killed many, many people. Stop insisting that it hasn’t.
09/08/2017 – THEATRICAL
A group of bullied kids band together when a monster, taking the appearance of a clown, begins hunting children.
Jack: Obligatory “this looks great” comment. I am actually excited for this movie and absolutely will see it, but holy diver am I tired of watching teaser trailers for it. Stop. People get it. This movie is coming out soon.
Jake: This movie is so wildly hyped that, even as I try to avoid the trailers, I can’t help but hear the noise. I feel like that’s doing nothing but set it up for failure, but for what it’s worth, the trailers make the movie seem very, very good.
Mark: I really hope this movie is good. I am upset that the trailer keeps giving shit away. I’m quitting on this hype train cold turkey until I can see it in full. I still maintain that the opening 30 seconds to the first trailer released where the kid chases the boat into the drain would’ve made the best possible standalone ad, and I continue to be peeved that it never happened. Fucking trailer, stop giving shit away.
THE LIMEHOUSE GOLEM
09/08/2017 – THEATRICAL, VOD
A series of murders has shaken the community to the point where people believe that only a legendary creature from dark times – the mythical so-called Golem – must be responsible.
Jack: My goodness this looks boring. Not necessarily bad per se . . . just really fucking boring. Although some of that might be some shit I’m still dealing with after being forced to watch Coronation Street when I was a kid. Fucking depressing.
Jake: A pull quote in that trailer calls this movie “juicy”. That’s too close to calling this movie “moist”. Not for me. I think I’d rather just watch this Bill Nighy scene on repeat for an hour and a half.
Mark: Oh shit it’s Billie Mack from Love Actually playing a Sherlock Holmes approximation. This is bordering on horrorish for me, but I guess we’ll see. Horror needs more legitimate golem storylines. Basically the only other one I know of is the one from the X-Files where the dude was made out of garbage. Overall this looks well made, but also incredibly slow and probably not particularly suspenseful. At least there’s a mustachioed little person in drag to look forward to,
09/12/2017 – VOD
Four young women travel to their college professor’s new country home for a weekend getaway, only to discover that the house has a malevolent past.
Jack: That’s too fucking many dolls to keep in a closet of any variety, let alone one that’s just going to up and open on its own. I’m not one to blame the victims, but come on. Like Mark mentioned up above, I’m not going to feel bad for someone who takes no precautions to not end up in a horror movie and opens a music box they find in the woods or whatever. That aside, this looks like a fucking awesome bump in the night watch alone in the dark movie, and I will be doing just that.
Jake: This trailer wildly surpassed my expectations. I think the extremely liberal use of jump scare and CG shown in the trailer will plague it overall (look at that fucking trailer preview image), but hey, at least it impressed me with its elevator pitch.
Mark: Okay. That was a good twist. Why is it that I’m almost 30 and looking under beds still freaks me out? It’s unfortunate that this movie is going to be effectively doomed by its horrendous usage of CG. I mean really terrible. This goes from a movie with promise to a movie that is going to actively be difficult to watch.
09/12/2017 – VOD
Emma, a college student with a crippling fear of clowns, must come face to face with her worst fear when an evil spirit in the body of a clown is summoned terrorizing the town she calls home.
Jack: These people are unaware of the etymology of the word “poltergeist.” It’s a German word that combines an old-German word for disturbance, “poltern,” with the word for ghost, “geist.” I guess a clown-ghost is one thing, but I have no evidence based on its name that it intends to cause any disturbances whatsoever. Also, this feels like a lazy attempt to jump on the Coulrophobia train, and I am not down. Clown already did it, and likely did it better.
Jake: This movie doesn’t even know what it wants its title to be. The trailer called it “Fear Itself”, which is actually (somehow) a worse fucking name. I’ve seen very few trailers in my life that devolve over their runtime more than this.
Mark: Does anyone remember last summer when there were clown sightings all over the US? That would’ve been a better time to release this. Just sayin’. Is this movie trying to ride the clown coattails of It? Because otherwise, this is a pretty stupendous coincidence. Either way, I’m out on this one.
AGAINST THE NIGHT
09/15/2017 – LIMITED THEATRICAL, VOD
A group of friends sneak into an abandoned prison with the intention of making a ghost hunting video, until they start to go missing one by one.
Jack: This is going to be an infuriating mix of found footage and standard third-person cinematography. I do like that guy who was the multiple personality guy from the first season of Psych, but I don’t think that will be enough to save it. If you want to make a found footage movie, make a damn found footage movie. Otherwise, either nut up and make a good movie without crutches, or commit to the bit and accept the limitations that come with good found footage flicks. This middle ground is bad and annoying.
Jake: I watched enough of those stupid ghost shows in my teens to know how and why this was made, but the problem is, I was in my teens a loooong time ago. Also, I’m ashamed that I feel like I know the actual prison this was filmed in because I watched those shows. It’s Eastern State Penitentiary.
Mark: Abandoned prisons and mental asylums are now tired enough horror settings that it’s essentially only allowable if everyone in the movie is cognizant of this fact. I’ll tell you what, at the very least, Mr. Orangehat is definitely aware of this fact. That’s probably enough for me. Unfortunately, if this movie is anything like the trailer then it will start out strong and then fail to impress down the final stretch. Although the acting looks solid, I don’t think that will be enough to make up for its seemingly highly generic premise. It does have some found footage-y-ness to it though, so I’m pretty sure I’ll be watching this.
09/15/2017 – THEATRICAL
A couple’s relationship is tested when uninvited guests arrive at their home, disrupting their tranquil existence.
Jack: Seeing is believing, huh? Because I’ve gotta tell you, I saw that whole thing and I don’t know what the fuck to believe. I do know that I will watch anything with Jennifer Lawrence in it (that really burned me with that Passengers movie) and that I dig the super staccato violin score in that thing. Mark me down.
Jake: Something rare and mysterious has happened with this trailer. I usually walk away from these things with a better understanding of the product than when I go in. After this trailer? Blank slate. Tell me whatever you want. It won’t matter. I have no clue what the fuck this is supposed to be about, and I won’t believe anything you tell me. Seeing is believing. The trailer told me so.
Mark: What is this thing with big movies now having pre-trailers that are trailers for the actual trailer? Javier Bardem, J-Law, Ed Harris, and Michelle Pfeiffer in a Daran Aranofsky film that is actual horror movie fodder? What? Sold. I’m a little unclear on what the seeing is believing tagline is supposed to mean, though. Are they just implying that we otherwise wouldn’t believe that this film exists? I hope there is some hallucination based horror here to justify that, because otherwise it makes no sense.
09/22/2017 – THEATRICAL
When a college student unfriends a mysterious girl online, she finds herself fighting a demonic presence that wants to make her lonely by killing her closest friends.
Jack: This premise has been popping up a lot recently. See Unfriended or #Horror for some recent examples. Now, I didn’t see #Horror but I did like Unfriended a fair little bit, and this looks like it boasts a significantly higher budget. Not that that’s always, or even often, a good thing, but still, the effects in this look decent.
Jake: At least Unfriended now has a natural companion for a double feature… Jack and Mark will probably both give this movie a 10 for scare factor, too.
Mark: Oh hey look, it’s that movie that was supposed to come out like four other times over the last year. Any takers on this actually coming out this time around? My guess is this just means we have now arrived at the end of Q3 2017, which was when this release was lazily pushed back to. I don’t understand what the deal is with these movies. It appears to be fully complete, so why not just fucking release the thing so that some money can be made from it? I know distribution rights and whatnot are a thing but they can’t possibly be that complicated, can they?
THE HOUSES OCTOBER BUILT 2
09/22/2017 – THEATRICAL, VOD
Recovering from the trauma of being kidnapped last Halloween by the Blue Skeleton – a group who take “extreme haunt” to another level – five friends decide they must face their fears in order to move on. Heading back out on the road to visit more haunted house attractions, signs of the Blue Skeleton start appearing again and a new terror begins.
Jack: I never saw the first one of these, and I don’t really expect that I’ll be watching this one before I check out the first. I do feel like some things about the first have now been spoiled for me though . . . so there’s that.
Jake: I think I found Mark’s top 1 for this month… In fairness though, this is somewhat a known quantity and I fully expect it to be serviceable. I might just go back and watch the first one so I can see it.
Mark: Well. I guess that puts a positive spin on the end to #1 doesn’t it? If you haven’t seen THOB, I would give it a solid recommend, particularly if you liked the similar yet decidedly more supernatural Hellhouse LLC. The only thing I’m going to point out here is that it’s a little odd releasing a movie about houses that October built in September. Why not push back like 1 week and at least get it a little bit closer to October?
09/22/2017 – THEATRICAL
A woman falls deeper into paranoia after taking a deadly drug.
*Editor’s Note: NO SHIT…*
Jack: What just happened? Did I just see a scene from the inside of a carwash? I guess Kirsten Dunst might be goddamned sullen enough to carry the suspense of this movie, but I’m certainly not excited to watch it. This looks like one that I’ll be looking at the runtime to determine whether or not I’m going to watch it, and when it’s well over two-hours I’m going to be in the “decidedly no thank you” camp.
Jake: So this is an art for art’s sake movie about going motherfucking ham on acid in the woods. I saw Toad Road. That shit does NOT end well.
Mark: I…. uhhh… I don’t get it. What is happening? Where am I? Traditionally A24 has delivered solid material, but this looks incredibly puzzling. I’m going to take a stab at the synopsis here: While coping with the death of a loved one, Kirsten Dunst learns to levitate in a forest.
WELCOME TO WILLITS
09/22/2017 – LIMITED THEATRICAL, VOD
Deep in the Northern California woods, in the heart of the notorious Emerald Triangle, lies a remote cabin. The residents struggle to fight off the repeated attacks and abductions by mysterious creatures that have plagued them for years. When a local pot farmer is caught up with a wayward group of campers the situation quickly escalates into total carnage.
Jack: Does every Culkin brother just look like a total maniac these days? Not that I’m complaining, that’s certainly fitting for a horror movie, but damn. The writing looks a little stilted, but that’s not necessarily the end of the world for a movie. Especially one with Dolph Lundgren.
Jake: Two big takeaways from this trailer. First, Rory Culkin looks more like an alien than the aliens in this goddamned movie. And that’s saying something considering the practical appears to be gruesome. Second, Dolph Lundgren is in this and I’m not really sure how, but there does appear to be the opportunity for him to punch his way out of a CRT tv. So it’s safe to say I will be watching this.
Mark: Oh fuck yeah Dolph Lundgren cameo. Also Rory Culkin. Also aliens. Also Rory Culkin talkin’ bout aliens. That seems to be basically all you need to know about this. I am incredibly confused as to how Dolph Lundgren appears in this seemingly only as a television character. Is this a play-within-a-play type of scenario they’ve got going? Does that make Dolph Lundgren a theater actor? I am bursting at the seams with questions.
09/29/2017 – THEATRICAL
Five medical students, obsessed by what lies beyond the confines of life, embark on a daring experiment: by stopping their hearts for short periods, each triggers a near-death experience – giving them a first-hand account of the afterlife.
Jack: Well Ellen Page is just charming as all hell, so this has that going for it, but . . . NO! I’ve been burned like this before. Good cast with a charming female lead and a potentially interesting if well-worn concept? They’re trying to get me to watch the Lazarus Effect again, aren’t they? I fell into that poisoned spike-pit of a dumpster-fire once, and I will not be doing it again. Sorry, Ellen Page.
Jake: You know what will be missing from this movie that would make it way more interesting and awesome? Final Destination-style deaths. Think about the possibilities. Think about ‘em. Oh well, at least it won’t be nearly as bad as that train wreck The Lazarus Effect was.
Mark: Oh, hey. Look at that. It’s the better version of the Lazarus Effect. How do I know it’s a better version? Well, because TLE was about as bad as a movie can be. I think we basically know what this movie is before we go into it. Don’t play with fire, especially if that fire is the fires of hell… wait… was that just a random shot of a shit load of jellyfish? How the hell did that make it into the trailer?
09/29/2017 – LIMITED THEATRICAL, VOD
After moving into a cottage together, two young lovers confront the horrors of a forgotten childhood.
Jack: Huh, I didn’t know that Drea de Matteo kept acting after the Sopranos. She’s great, and the creepy old Benjamin Button looking motherfucker looks legitimately frightening. This one might surprise us.
Jake: This is baffling. Why is Cary Elwes in this movie that features an old man licking a mirror in the trailer? Why is this trailer citing the producers of a film that is releasing on the same exact day? Or, is it referring to the 1990 Flatliners with Kiefer Sutherland and The Bacon? If it’s the latter, it probably should have made that little notation.
Mark: They could afford recognizable actors, but they couldn’t afford a better font? From the Producer of Flatliners? That movie hasn’t even come out yet. CARY ELWES? What is that handsome charming motherfucker doing anywhere near this thing? He should be back on the set of Psych where he belongs. Also, I would just like to point out that this entire movie seemingly has nothing to do with not sleeping aside from its name.
09/29/2017 – THEATRICAL
A supernatural skeptic sets off to debunk paranormal sightings using low-frequency sound-waves in an abandoned subway station and is met with unforeseen evil and eerie memories.
Jack: So this trailer had a pre-roll ad for Red Lobster, and the sounds from those gross fucking old lobsters cracking was way creepier than anything going on in this trailer. “The Ghost Station”? Really? I expect my up-on-folklore-cabbies to have way better names for the scary shit in my town. And doesn’t everyone use Lyft now anyway? That’s your first warning sign right there. Being in a taxi. If this movie makes it the distance without a brown note joke, I will be impressed.
Jake: I’ll give the benefit of the doubt to anything with Christopher Lloyd in it. This movie looks very poor, but with the Lloyd quotient in play, the math says it’s gotta be at least one of the best movies ever made.
Mark: There’s a whole lot of sounds that are below the threshold of human hearing. In fact, there is a near infinite number of those sounds because sound is a fucking continuum of frequencies. Isn’t making a movie about a sound that you can’t hear kinda dumb? Either they’re going to play the sound as a sound effect, and we’re all going to be able to hear it, or they’ll just have someone on screen saying “look at that on the screen… it’s the sound.” Neither of those things are good movie things.
09/29/2017 – NETFLIX
While trying to spice up their marriage in their remote lake house, Jessie must fight to survive when her husband dies unexpectedly, leaving her handcuffed to their bed frame.
Jack: It’s going to be on Netflix and likely available to download. I’m 100% confident that I will watch this on a plane very soon. Which means, like every movie I watch on planes, it will make me cry. True story.
Jake: Somehow there is no trailer currently available for this upcoming Netflix release, so I’ll just comment on the general synopsis and what we know of the King story. This movie should take place almost entirely in one room, focusing solely on one, half naked actress, who is being played by Carla Gugino. That’s one hell of an ask.
Mark: Knowing Netflix, which I don’t, the trailer will drop two weeks before the premiere date, force its way into my living room via autoplay. This occurrence will be slightly less obnoxious than when Netflix did that with 13 Reasons Why and that stupid Love show. Do people really watch media that isn’t horror related? Is that a thing? I like Mike Flanagan, and that’s basically all of the information I have on this thing right now so that’s what I’m sticking with.
THE EXORCIST – SEASON 2
09/29/2017 – TV – FOX
Across the Atlantic, Father Bennett attempts to weed out those within the Vatican who have turned against God. Ultimately, Tomas and Marcus are led to Andrew Kim, a former child psychologist who runs a group home for five at-risk foster children on a secluded private island off the coast of Seattle. When one of the children under Andrew’s care is targeted by a powerful force, the two priests head west, setting themselves on a collision course with Hell.
Jack: Was season 1 of this any good? I haven’t heard a single word about it since its debut. I get the feeling that, much like I quickly started to wonder how fucking many serial killers live in Miami when watching Dexter, I’ve gotta wonder just how common demonic possessions actually are. Or maybe the possessions are like Lupus in House. It’s never Lupus.
Jake: Similar issue to the above. There is an Exorcist tv series. I do not watch it. But it’s entering its second season. That is all.
Mark: Dittoing Jake’s sentiment. I like that TV horror is a thing. I am okay with this series continuing, but I will probably not be watching it. When does Scream season 3 come out?
- LEATHERFACE will be available to those with DirecTV on 9/21, but we will cover it as an October release for its theatrical launch on 10/20. Just a heads up for you sons of bitches with the DTV.
- SUPER DARK TIMES will be screening at theaters in a select few markets (read: big ass cities like New York and L.A.) on 9/29, but officially releases on 10/03, so we will cover it next month. Just a heads-up.
- REALIVE is also slated to open for a quick theatrical run on 9/29, but will be available on VOD for all on 10/03, so like the above flicks, we are going to cover it in next month’s roundup.
TOP 1 / BOTTOM 1
Jack: The Hatred – I would have picked “IT,” but like I said, I’m really fucking tired of talking about that movie. And while I’ll probably come to regret this pick, this thing has huge things that go bump in the night potential. And those things scare me.
Jake: Mother! – I like going into horror movies blind and I can honestly say I feel 0% spoiled by this movie’s trailer, with the exception being that I understand it has a stellar cast. The fact that this feels like the month’s alpha dog and yet it is absolutely dwarfed by It bodes extremely well.
Mark: Houses October Built 2 – “It” is obviously the big dog in the room, and yeah, I’m excited to see it. But I like to bring a little variety to this forum and dammit, I’m excited for this sequel as well. I wonder if they’re going to let the second film take a darker turn than the first?
Jack: The Limehouse Golem – This just looks sooooo boring. I can’t imagine when I’ll ever be in the mood to pop this sullen period piece on for a molasses-speed crawl through a mystery in the foggy and brown-gray streets of London. And you know this ain’t clocking in at a tight 90-minutes.
Jake: Clowntergeist – For degenerating over the course of the trailer’s runtime more than any movie I can recall. I’m done with clown shit, and I’ll be seeing It, so I’m over-quota.
Mark: Don’t Sleep – Can I answer Friend Request despite the fact that it’s probably not actually coming out? No? Alright, fine. Don’t Sleep. It looks generic with bad effects and lazy writing. Stop wasting Cary Elwes’ time, he’s got art to steal and handsome to be.